


pancakes for dinner

by toriiixoox



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Song fic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Yamaguchi writes all of the things that he loves about Tsukki, chapter two is literally just FLUFF, i dont know what else to tag this as?, im gonna call it fluff yea, like DISGUSTINGLY ADORABLE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toriiixoox/pseuds/toriiixoox
Summary: What if I die here?He’s sure the pilot was extremely capable, sure that storm wasn’t as bad as he thought it was, sure that he would land just fine and the plane would uproar in applause.But what if it didn’t.The thought hits him again as lightning strikes and the count before the thunder is slightly lessened.What if I die here?//Alternately: Yamaguchi doesn't really know why he's waited until he's literally about to die to confront his feelings for his best friend.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the title literally has nothing to do with the fic tbh, it's just based off of the song pancakes for dinner by lizzy mcalpine which I recommend listening to //after// the fic!!

Yamaguchi Tadashi is not afraid of thunderstorms. He never has been. In fact, he usually loves thunderstorms. There’s something about watching the flashes of lightning and counting the seconds between the loud booms that was therapeutic to him. He liked how the seconds between the two phenomena would get shorter and shorter until they were right on top of each other before getting further and further apart, so distant that you would stop counting without even recognizing it, like forgetting your last hiccup. 

Today was an exception. 

When the storm started, Yamaguchi had a bad feeling in his stomach. He looked out his window, nestled up against the wall, his elbow resting on the armrest, his hand on his chin, tracing the droplets to keep himself calm. He knew that he could handle a rainstorm, but everything inside of him told him to start worrying. He brushed it off at first, but when the sky darkened at an uncomfortably quick pace, he began to succumb to the worry. 

If it were just visuals outside of his window, bright lightning strikes and copious amounts of fat raindrops splattering against the glass, he would have been okay. Even if it were just the visuals and sounds, the claps of thunder and pelting of the water bullets, he would have been okay. It was the motions, the movement, the rumbling, the shaking that made him feel sick. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi is not afraid of airplanes. He never has been. In fact, he thinks that plane rides are fun and easy. He finds the routine of it all, unlike most others, a pleasurable experience. Organizing his trip, getting there on time, checking in for his flight, going through security, making his way to his gate, waiting to be called onto the plane, every flight was the same process. Especially on trips like today when he was traveling by himself, he enjoyed everything about flying. 

Today was an exception. 

The take-off was so smooth that he didn’t realize he was flying until he watched the stripes on the runway get smaller and the people directing the plane looked like ants. Even ascending, there were no problems at all. He loved sitting in the window seat, watching the clouds, and drinking a ginger ale to make sure that his ears didn’t pop from the altitude. It was supposed to be an effortless flight with a sky clear enough for him to watch the sunset. The thought that it was supposed to all be okay just made it worse when it wasn’t. 

The clouds turned from a wispy white to a smog-like haze in almost an instant. Though the lights on the plane were dimmed, the open shutters from various windows brightened up the entire plane, but in the blink of the eye, darkness washed over the interior. The lights on the plane instantly came up. Honestly, Yamaguchi preferred the darkened plane. At least when it was dark, he couldn’t see all of the other passenger’s worried faces. Even the few flight attendants seemed to be looking at each other curiously. 

The darkness was the least of his problems, he realized as the plane started the shake. He was overwhelmingly grateful that there was no one in the middle seat as he gripped onto both armrests. His eyes wander over to the lady sitting at the end of his aisle sleeping soundly with an eye mask and headphones in. He wishes that he was sleeping instead of feeling every single bit of turbulence the plane had to offer. 

The chimes overhead take Yamaguchi out of his panic for a split second. “Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking, we’ve seemed to come into a bit of an unexpected storm that didn’t register on our radar. We’re trying to get out of it as soon as we can as safely as we can. I will keep you all updated, until then, please stay seated and use your button to call for a flight attendant if you need anything at all. Thank you.”

Yamaguchi can’t help but wonder how the pilot had the mental capacity to both send out a calm message over the speaker and maneuver the plane in this unexpected storm. It’s only a few minutes later that in addition to all of the horrible noises that are coming from the plane and the never-ending trembling, the overhead lights turn off, only the red emergency lights illuminating the entire plane. Some people from a few rows ahead of him scream and he’s sure that he hears someone crying behind him, but Yamaguchi’s heart only races as the plane fills with a neon glow. 

The chime rings again, signaling another announcement. “Hello again, everyone. The lights are out, but the emergency generator should kick in very soon. We’ll continue to keep you updated.”

He closes his eyes, because what else is there to look at on the almost pitch black plane? He tries to calm himself down, to slow his fast pulse, to lower his heart rate, to stop his hands from shaking as much as the plane is. He thinks about seeing Tsukki again. That’s the whole reason that he’s even on this plane, Tsukki. He’s not sure if it’s just the thought of Tsukishima or if it’s the fact that the plane ride is to see him again, but it almost works. 

The two best friends hadn’t seen each other in nearly 3 months, which, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t seem like that much time apart, but before this, they had never been apart for even a handful of days. When Yamaguchi got the option to study abroad in another country over the summer, his only deterrent was not being able to spend the summer with Tsukishima. Tsukishima had, obviously, told Yamaguchi how stupid he would have been if he didn’t go. It should have been an easy decision, but it was much harder than Yamaguchi let on. The time difference messed with their schedule. In the first few weeks, they only talked for a few hours Yamaguchi went to sleep and for a few hours after he woke up. Most of Yamaguchi’s day was spent staring down at his phone for Tsukishima to wake up or to get the dreaded text that it was time for Tsukishima to go to sleep.

The longer that Yamaguchi spent abroad, the more frequently they started talking. Yamaguchi started staying up later to talk to Tsukishima after he woke up, despite Tsukki’s multiple complaints, but then Tsukishima started staying up later as well. With both of them adopting worse sleep schedules, they were spending quite a bit of time talking to one another, even with the time difference.

Just a few weeks prior to when Yamaguchi planned on going home, they started video chatting every night. Sometimes, Yamaguchi would fall asleep on the call, but Tsukishima rarely hung up, often waiting until he physically had to end the call. He’d never admit it, but listening to Yamaguchi’s tiny breaths as he slept was one of his favorite things in the world. 

Sure, they had talked a lot during Yamaguchi’s trip, but how different would their dynamic be when he got back? He didn’t like the road that his thoughts were traveling down so he let his eyelids flutter back open. The change in brightness was minuscule as his pupils made tiny adjustments. The lights on the plane are still not working, but it somehow doesn’t make him feel any worse. What does make him feel worse is the fact that it seemed like the lights on the plane came back up due to the sheer brightness of the lightning. He waits, counting the seconds it takes to hear the  **boom** on his fingers. It’s far too many seconds for it to be doing this much to the plane. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better. 

_ What if I die here? _

He’s sure the pilot was extremely capable, sure that storm wasn’t as bad as he thought it was, sure that he would land just fine and the plane would uproar in applause. 

But what if it didn’t. 

The thought hits him again as lightning strikes and the count before the thunder is slightly lessened.  _ What if I die here? _

If Yamaguchi were to die on this plane, what would he regret? It’s such a cliche, stupid question, but he can’t help but think it. He’s thinking about all of the times that he told small white lies, all of the times that he accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, all of the times that things went unsaid.  _ Tsukki _ . 

If Yamaguchi Tadashi were to die on this plane, Tsukishima Kei would never know how he actually felt about him. He would never know how talking to Tsukki was the only thing that kept him sane while he was overseas. He would never know how much their video calls meant to him, would never know how much he cried when Tsukki sent him a care package from home with all of his favorite treats, would never know that he’s helplessly in love with him. 

He had never wanted to tell Tsukishima the truth, not when the truth was so terrifying and could ruin their entire relationship. Sure, confessing to Tsukishima might get this suffocating weight off of his chest, but it would also mean potentially destroying every aspect of trust and friendship that they had built up over the years. 

The storm rages on outside of the plane, jolting everyone inside when the body trembles.  _ How would I even say it? _ The thought pops into his head unsolicited, but now he’s obsessing over it.  _ Can I die without him knowing how much he means to me? Without even trying to tell him? _ Yamaguchi couldn’t do that to Tsukki, not knowingly. His sweaty palms fumble with his phone, pulling open the notes app before hovering his thumbs over the keyboard. 

_ What am I even doing? _

Tsukishima had been confessed to in the past, quite often actually. He always had the same reaction, a polite “thank you” and then avoiding them for the rest of time. What if Yamaguchi had to deal with the same reaction? He couldn’t live with himself… But he also couldn’t live with himself if Tsukishima didn’t know what an impact he had on Yamaguchi’s life. 

He starts typing on his phone, writing out some sort of greeting mixed with “if my phone somehow survives the crash.” He deletes the greeting a few times until he’s finally feeling happy with it. He starts mulling over everything that he wants to say to Tsukishima if they recover the phone from the debris and it miraculously ends up back at Tsukki. What does he have to lose anyway? He’d be dead. 

He starts listing things that he loves about Tsukki in bullet points. At the top of the list is the fact that he lets him call him Tsukki. He’s the one that coined the nickname in the first place. It was a slip of the tongue the first time he said it. Tsukishima’s face contorted into confusion and slight disgust in response, but he never said anything about it. Yamaguchi noted the look on his face and decided against ever using it again… Until it slipped again. Tsukishima didn’t react at all to it, only responding to whatever else Yamaguchi had said. It stuck. Now, whenever other people would call him Tsukki, he would scowl at them or just outright correct them. It was like the name was only Yamaguchi’s. 

Another one of the points is that Tsukishima waits for him by his house to walk to school with him every day. This had been a ritual ever since they were little, but the fact that they had never walked to school without one another had made the commute to school something that he actually looked forward to. 

Among the more serious bullets is the fact that Tsukishima protects him, but doesn’t treat him like a baby. That’s a big one. As long as Yamaguchi could remember, Tsukki was there for him, fighting off bullies, inviting him along places when he had no friends, sharing his lunch with him, sitting with him while he cried. None of it ever affected how Tsukishima treated him otherwise, though. No aspect of Tsukki looking out for him rolled over into their day-to-day. He typed out a small thank you at the end of this one. 

Hiding within the many, many bullet points, Yamaguchi puts one sentence that he blushes as he writes.  _ “I love the way that your lips look after you drink from your water bottle.” _ He deletes it multiple times only to rewrite it just as many. The list doesn’t feel right without this confession, despite the fact that Yamaguchi could see Tsukki telling him to shut up if he ever said it aloud. He types out another bullet point right underneath that one.  _ “Sorry, Tsukki!” _

Making his long list of everything that he loves about Tsukishima almost completely distracts him from the storm.  _ Almost _ . When the storm distracts him yet again, he can see a tiny part in the thick clouds, the stars shining through it just slightly. 

_ What if I live? _

Yamaguchi had now written so many different aspects of their relationship that he fell in love with, but what if he made it out of this alive? What if he landed and had to face Tsukki at the airport after knowing all of these things that he wanted to tell him if he was hypothetically dead? Why did he have to wait until he was dead to tell Tsukki these things? He hadn’t seen him for 3 months and he was about to bombard him straight off of the plane with a confession that no one asked for? Yes. 

He thinks about just reading the note to him, pulling up his phone, and just reading every single bullet point off to him without looking up to meet his eyes. As great as this idea sounded in his head, he knew that he was horrible at reading aloud and the contents only made it worse. Somewhere amidst the reasons was the fact that Yamaguchi loved what Tsukki’s sweatshirt smelled like. There’s no way he could read that out loud without stuttering over every syllable. 

Another idea is just trying to recite the points off without looking. This is also not a great idea considering the fact that the only ones he can remember right now are the sweatshirt one and the lip one, neither of which could ever leave Yamaguchi’s mouth in Tsukki’s presence. 

He could just give Tsukki the phone without saying anything at all. Yamaguchi nods at his own idea, liking the thought of not having to actually talk to Tsukishima about the fact that he’s in love with him. Tsukishima would reject him just for the lack of effort. What a horrible confession. 

The worst part about the entire brainstorming session is that he knows exactly what he has to do. He knows exactly what has to happen, but he keeps pushing the idea to the back of his head. He has to just read over the points before stepping off of the plane and then he has to tell Tsukki in person without his phone. Not some haphazardly memorized lines, but things that he thinks as he thinks them. 

Yamaguchi knows that Tsukki is not the type to interrupt, but in every scenario that crosses his mind, Yamaguchi finds himself asking Tsukki to let him finish before interjecting. It’s not that Tsukki would mean anything bad from it, but even a signature click of his tongue would make Yamaguchi feel sick. He has to get it all out before Tsukishima can reject him, he figures. 

His anxious mind goes over all of the ways that the scenario could play out. He runs by the best-case scenario first, but only briefly as he internally scoffs at how stupidly unlikely that is. Tsukishima could let him finish speaking, politely without interrupting and then just kiss him on their way to the train. It would never happen, but Yamaguchi really wants it to. He thinks about the most probable situation which is that Tsukishima just blinks at him throughout his entire confession and then when it’s over, he stays silent or just offers a thank you. In this scenario, they continue talking after the night is over. It’s as much as he can hope for and most likely what will occur. 

Then, his mind drifts into the worst-case scenarios. He starts thinking, first, about the previous scenario happening. Tsukishima will listen to his confession before silently making the rest of the commute with him and then never talking to him again. He also considers the case where Tsukki thinks he’s beyond pathetic and how harshly he’ll turn him down, laughing at him for even saying such a stupid thing before making fun of him to every single one of their mutual friends. His mind lingers on this one the longest before forcing himself to switch his own mind to new thoughts. 

He thinks of different fail-safes, certain questions to ask him before he gets into it or various prompts to dig him out of holes that he puts himself in. He imagines chickening out and instead just talking about everything that he did over the 3 months despite talking every day that they were apart or showing Tsukki new songs from being abroad. 

The thunder and the lightning are almost simultaneous, startling Yamaguchi out of his own self-destructive thoughts. They come in a pair, now, a crack of lightning and the roar of the thunder. He looks down at his phone and all the words typed out in various orders with weird spacing and sporadic punctuation. 

He returns his attention back to the circular window, watching the lightning irradiate up the sky and waiting for the sound to succeed. He counts the seconds on his fingers, every time the number going up and up until the one time that he forgets he’s waiting for something at the end of the count. 

Another chime notifies the passengers that the captain has another announcement. “We have made it through the foreseeable storms. Should be smooth sailing all the way to our destination. Our estimated time of arrival was a bit delayed due to the storm. We should be arriving a little under an hour behind schedule, 9:24 pm local time. Only about another 25 minutes or so before we begin the descent. Thank you.”

The landing is as smooth as the take-off was. Yamaguchi barely notices the transition from air to the ground, it’s so seamless. He was right, as soon as the plane landed, nearly everyone on the plane was clapping. He even thought he heard someone weeping and praying having made it safely to the ground. 

Everyone is in a rush to get off of the plane. As soon as the plane is finished being taxied to the side of the airport, almost everyone is standing up. Despite the flight attendant’s multiple repetitions that it will be a few minutes before they have secured the walkway, each passenger is slowly trying to inch their way towards the front of the plane, or at least the front of their aisle. 

As soon as he stands up, his legs immediately tell him to sit back down. Stretching his legs after landing from such a long flight was usually one of his favorite feelings in the world, but right now, he can barely even stand. The adrenaline from the overly bumpy flight, the anticipation of seeing Tsukki for the first time in months, his written out a paragraph in his notes app weighing heavily in his palm, he sat down in his seat until it was his turn to leave the plane. He even let people from the aisle across from him and behind him leave first so that he didn’t have to walk off the plane yet.

When the plane was up in the sky, feeling the constant rumbling of the metal body and watching the wings move way more than he thought they should have, he couldn’t stop shaking, thinking that the only thing he wanted in the world was to be off of the flying death machine, but now… Now, the plane, sitting securely on the ground away from confrontation and confessions, had become his safe haven. It wasn’t until one older woman  _ insisted _ that he go before her, even offering to help him with his carry-on, that he began to move toward his own doom. 

He’s walking behind a small, slow old lady down the hallway to the airport. Each sluggish step that he takes, he’s not sure to thank or to scold. On the one hand, he’s so nervous about what’s about to happen, about seeing Tsukki for the first time, about all of the thoughts going on inside of his head. On the other hand, he just wants to get it over with. Plus, he just wants to see Tsukki again. Even if everything turns to complete ruins by saying what he’s about to say, he just wants to see Tsukishima’s face again. He’s hoping for a rare smile from not seeing each other for so long.

Breaking out into the crowd of people at the airport, Yamaguchi is avidly searching for Tsukishima’s face amongst everyone. His eyes are bouncing to every tall, blonde boy with headphones around their necks. There are far too many of them that are not Tsukki. He puts his hands in his pockets, fiddling with the interior of the hem to keep his anxieties as at bay as they could be.

“Yams?” His heart actually stops for an entire second. That voice. That voice that he had heard through a phone speaker for 3 entire months that is now crystal clear. He’s so focused on the voice that he doesn’t even register where it’s coming from or the emotions in it. 

Yamaguchi spins around completely, trying to locate where the voice is coming from when he hears it again. He’s not as focused on words this time, but he can hear the source. He whips his body around just in time for the taller blonde to throw his arms around him. Even with the 3-month gap that they spent apart, Yamaguchi was not expecting this drastic of a welcome. Still, Yamaguchi revels at the contact, dropping his duffle bag and snaking his arms around Tsukki’s waist. The hug lingers much longer than Yamaguchi expects it to, but he enjoys every second of it. 

When Tsukishima pulls away, his face is riddled with all of the worry that Yamaguchi had been feeling the entire night. His eyes are flickering to each part of his face, searching for something, but Yamaguchi doesn’t know what. He feels inclined to ask but doesn’t want to stop staring back at him, so he just blinks slowly. He draws him back in, arms squeezing tighter this time, his head lowering down and resting against Yamaguchi’s. 

He’s so close to his ear that he can feel his breath. “They wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked them so many times, but no one knew anything,” Tsukki says, his uneasy voice still seething with concern. 

“What are you talking about?” Yamaguchi almost regrets asking because it causes Tsukishima to pull away from him, his eyebrows furrowing as he shakes his head. 

“A- A plane came down during the storm. No one knows exactly what happened, but it’s all over the news already and no one would tell me anything. I thought it was you,” Tsukishima explains, his hands now wrapped gently around Yamaguchi’s wrists. Yamaguchi doesn’t even know how to respond to how much of a wreck he’s noticing his best friend is. “I couldn’t stop thinking that it was you. Your plane was late and I thought you were dead.”

There are so many people weaving around them, some muttering as they pass, but Yamaguchi wouldn’t know that. He can’t hear anything other than the words that Tsukishima is saying and the look on his face as he does. He had never seen him like this. He notices how puffy his eyes look and he instinctively rests his hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb underneath it before realizing what he’s doing. He goes to pull his hand away, but Tsukishima holds it here.

“Every minute of that hour you were late, I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything I wanted to say to you that you would never know.” Tsukishima has pulled away from Yamaguchi now, mumbling as he looks down at the floor. Yamaguchi wants so badly to nudge his face back to where it was, but he knows he shouldn’t push it. 

Seconds turn into minutes of silence as they stand in the middle of people reuniting with loved ones and trying to make connecting flights. Tsukishima’s fist is in a ball and he’s taking a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say without sounding like an idiot. Yamaguchi is waiting so patiently for whatever Tsukki has to say to him. 

“I missed you a lot,” he says, finally, looking back up at him just briefly before snapping his eyes back to the floor. He’s not mumbling. His words are strong and matter-of-fact. 

“I missed you, too,” Yamaguchi responds. He doesn’t exactly know where Tsukishima is going with this. Of course, he missed him too, he hadn’t seen him in 3 months. His eyes follow Tsukishima’s gaze, then blink back up to his profile. 

“I really thought that I would never see you again,” Tsukishima admits. He doesn’t let Yamaguchi respond, continuing on immediately. “Tch. Never thought I would see you again and you would die not knowing.” He doesn’t finish his sentence, or maybe that was the end of his sentence. Either way, Yamaguchi refuses to assume things. 

Yamaguchi refuses to jump to conclusions, but he isn’t above encouragement. His palms are sweating, hands shaking just slightly as he slips his hand into Tsukki’s. He doesn’t push the notion too far, just wrapping his four fingers around Tsukishima’s. His hand stays still and he still doesn’t say anything, so Yamaguchi urges on. “Not knowing what?” His voice nearly cracks. 

Tsukshima’s eyes close before turning to face Yamaguchi. “I love you.” Tsukki almost looks like he’s cringing at himself for having been the one to confess, but as soon as the words have come out of his mouth, he instantly looks more relaxed. Yamaguchi tries to discount it in his head, telling himself that he only loves him as a friend or that he doesn’t really mean it. Yamaguchi knows that he looks thoroughly surprised by this, but he wasn’t expecting it in the slightest. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says softly, not knowing exactly where to look. He’s about to ask for an explanation or for further clarification when Tsukishima intertwines their fingers together and pulls him closer, bending his head down to reach, and then pressing his lips into his. Yamaguchi’s eyes widened before fluttering closed softly, pursing his lips to kiss him back. He can feel Tsukki’s pulse quicken in his palm. 

He doesn’t want to pull away, but he wants to see Tsukki’s face, to return the confession, to admit his love to him after his seemingly near-death experience. He hesitantly retracts from Tsukki. He opens his mouth to speak, but his mind is so flooded with wonderment that he can’t think of anything. He searches his thoughts for something,  _ anything. _

“I like the way that your lips look after you drink from your water bottle,” Yamaguchi blurts. Tsukishima tilts his head to the side, stifling laughter, but still looking overwhelmingly confused. “I- I didn’t mean- I meant.. What I mean is that I love what your sweatshirt smells like when you leave them at my house.” That’s it. Those are the only two thoughts in Yamaguchi’s head right now. 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki rolls his eyes. 

“So-.” Yamaguchi’s apology is interrupted by Tsukishima’s lips on his again, harder this time, but pulling away much quicker. Tsukishima bends down behind Yamaguchi to pick up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before starting to walk, finally getting out of the way of the still bustling walkway. Yamaguchi has to jog to catch up to him and his long legs. 

“You don’t have to carry that, Tsukki, I can do it,” Yamaguchi offers, reaching his hand out to take his own bag. 

Tsukishima doesn’t say anything, only takes Yamaguchi’s hand in his, dropping it back down to their side and intertwining their fingers together. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi is not afraid of thunderstorms. He never has been. In fact, he loves thunderstorms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter possibly more than I love the first chapter tbh. I just really love this a lot.

It’s crazy how life changes so quickly and then it doesn’t. Only 2 years ago, Yamaguchi was convinced that he almost died and Tsukishima was so shaken that he confessed in the middle of a crowded airport. Now, they’re going to the same college, living together off-campus, but still walking together to class every day. 

It’s been 2 years and Yamaguchi still hadn’t admitted to the fact that  _ he _ was going to confess to Tsukishima on that fateful day if he hadn’t. The entire time they were together, even after they had officially become boyfriends, Yamaguchi never told Tsukki that he was planning on confessing too that day. He told him all about the plane and how scary it was but left out the details about how the only thing that could keep him calm was thinking about everything he loved about Tsukki. 

* * *

Yamaguchi was running around the house, trying to finish cleaning up before they went grocery shopping when Tsukishima found it. 

“Yams, I’m writing a grocery list on your phone so that we don’t forget to get eggs for the 4th time,” Tsukishima calls out into the kitchen before picking up his phone from the coffee table. Yamaguchi replies with some sort of confirmation. As soon as he opens the app, he’s met with a page of text and bullet points that are addressed to him. He scans the page very quickly before beginning to read it aloud.

“Tsukki, if this phone somehow survives the crash and somehow someone finds it and somehow identifies it as mine and somehow it makes its way back to you and somehow you think to open the notes and read all of this, then I guess it was meant for you to know,” Tsukishima reads off the phone, quietly at first, but then getting louder. It had been so long since Yamaguchi had read the beginning of the message, only having added things to the end occasionally, that he didn't even recognize it until the end of the sentence. His eyes go wide. He shoves the dishes in his hands into the cupboard, letting it slam shut as he walks quickly over to his boyfriend, hands reached out in front of him. 

“I love the way that you know exactly how I like my ramen,” Tsukki reads aloud. His eyebrows are furrowed as he scrolls through the page, his eyes scanning each line. Yamaguchi feels the warmth spread all throughout him, to his fingertips and toes, and heavily on his cheekbones. “Extra crispy pork, level 1 spicy, yolk as runny as they can make it, no seaweed, extra noodles.” That part isn’t on the note, he knows that for a fact. It only makes his face burn even more so. “But you never order it like that, because you don’t want to be difficult.” Tsukishima shakes his head. 

“I love when you call me anything other than Yamaguchi like Yams or Tadashi or Dashi or-.” He’s in the middle of reading the list of names when Yamaguchi finally reaches him, his hand out in front of him and his face crimson. “Which one is your favorite?” Tsukishima smirks at him, teasing as he keeps the phone away from him.

Yamaguchi doesn’t respond, just chases Tsukki’s arm to no avail. His arm is just too lengthy for Yamaguchi to reach. “Tadashi, c’mon, which is it?” Yamaguchi furrows his brows, still trying to grasp at his phone. “Daaaashi,” Tsukishima teases trying to cycle through every nickname to see if it’s evident which one is his favorite. He knows this next one isn’t on the list, but he figures he’ll try it anyway, anything to get a rise out of his boyfriend. He’s only adopted it recently and in very scarce situations, so it still feels weird sliding off of his tongue, but Yamaguchi’s reaction is well worth it. “Baby, you have to tell me.” Yamaguchi’s eyes go wider than Tsukki had ever seen them before, his arm dropping down to cover as much of his face as possible, no longer trying to take his phone back. Tsukishima throws his head back, laughing as Yamaguchi avoids eye contact with him. 

“What is this?” Tsukishima asks, thumb flicking upwards as he scrolls down the note. Yamaguchi is still frozen. When he doesn’t get a response, Tsukishima starts reading more of the bullet points. “I love when you let me sit on the train when there’s only one seat left. I love when you split your meat buns with me after volleyball when Hinata eats an extra one. I love when you tell me all about your favorite dinosaurs even though I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Tsukishima shows no sign of stopping, just rapid-firing down the list. 

Yamaguchi has broken out of the trance that he was in, standing tall and continuing to try to grab the phone from out of his boyfriend’s hands, anything to stop this embarrassment. Tsukishima puts the phone all the way up in the air, staring at it while Yamaguchi jumps to try to snag it from him. “Seriously, what is this?” 

“It’s from that night! The night with the plane when you confessed to me!” Yamaguchi admits, his shoulders slumping as he realizes how useless it is to keep jumping for the phone. 

“You wrote this note for me after I told you that I loved you?” Tsukki scoffs, his eyes narrowing at some of the bullet points. 

“Before,” Yamaguchi admits, mumbling so low that Tsukishima has to really think before he can understand the word. 

“Before?” Tsukishima is connecting the dots. He reads the first paragraph again. “You were going to confess to me?” Yamaguchi cringes at how accusatory this sounds, but he nods slowly. “I didn’t even have to do it?” 

“I- I mean, no,” Yamaguchi is fiddling with his thumbs as he answers, “but I’m really glad that you did.”

“When were you ever going to show me this?” Tsukishima’s eyes are finally off of the screen, now looking into Yamaguchi’s who are anything but focused. Yamaguchi doesn’t give a verbal response, only a shrug. It’s as honest as he could get.

Tsukishima’s attention is back on the words on the screen as he gets towards the bottom of the list, skimming over some of the last ones. Yamaguchi is now desperate to get the phone back. He knows what’s close to the bottom and if Tsukishima reads them, he’s not sure that he’ll ever look at him the same. “Tsukki, please,” Yamaguchi begs, pulling on his shirt sleeve trying to get his arm down enough to grab the phone. 

When he sees Tsukki flush red, he knows that he read it. He blinks at the words repeatedly, reading them over. Yamaguchi is sure that at least there’s no way he would say it out loud, right? “I love the way that you sound when I make you feel good.” He should have known better. If Tsukishima had to choose between feeling embarrassed or teasing him, it would always be the latter. It helps, though, the fact that his voice wavered ever so slightly while reiterating the sentence. “That doesn’t sound like it was written on the plane ride unless you know something I don’t.”

Yamaguchi shakes his head furiously at him. “I- I’ve been adding things to it when I think about something that makes me love you even more.” He flinches, waiting for Tsukishima to start laughing again, but it never comes. He sets the phone down on the table before placing a finger underneath his chin. 

“So, what? You just sit and write notes about how much of a crush you have on me?” Tsukishima asks, the devilish smirk returning to his lips. Yamaguchi nods, helplessly, staring at his lips. “Tch. Why not just tell me?”

“It’s not that easy!” Yamaguchi squeaks, now avoiding eye contact with Tsukki and his stupid click of the tongue. Tsukishima runs his thumb over Yamaguchi’s jawline. “It’s not that easy,” he whines again. 

“Do it now,” Tsukishima teases, his eyes encouraging him to mess up.

“I can’t,” Yamaguchi mumbles again. He’s not loudly squeaking in objection anymore, he’s just trying to shy away from Tsukishima’s touch. “I can’t just think of them on the spot.” 

“I love the way your freckles remind me of the stars,” Tsukishima says after waiting an adequate enough time for Yamaguchi to answer. “I love how you blush when I tease you about stuff like this. I love when your hair gets long enough for me to hold onto. I love how you make my coffee just right in the morning. I love when you help me highlight all of my notes for particularly hard exams. I love how embarrassed you are when I hold your hand in public. It’s not that hard, baby, not when you’re really in love.”

Yamaguchi doesn’t know if Tsukki’s saying these things because he’s in love or just because he’s trying to one-up him. Either way, Yamaguchi’s heart is skipping every other beat as he listens to Tsukki fawn over him. If Yamaguchi couldn’t think of anything before, he knows that he definitely can’t think of anything now. 

“Really?” is all he can manage. One word, six letters, just asking for confirmation about everything he said. Tsukishima doesn’t laugh at this question, just kisses his boyfriend sweetly, letting his hand linger on his lower back. 

“Yes, baby,” he says into his ear. Okay, that one was just to get a reaction from him, but the rest were just to tell Yams how much he loved him. Tsukishima knows that his teasing can be relentless sometimes, but some of it was just to negate how giddy he was feeling reading through all of his boyfriend’s small notes of love. 

* * *

At first, they joked about it, well, actually, Tsukishima joked about it, teased him endlessly in the beginning, but then Yamaguchi started reading them to Tsukki every time that he’s sad. Every time he got overly frustrated at himself, every time that he was stressed about exams, every time he would have trouble falling asleep, Yamaguchi would sit and play with his hair and read off of the list. 

Eventually, he didn’t even need the list, he could just recite them word for word. On really bad nights, like when Tsukki failed the chemistry exam that he had poured hours into studying for or when his brother canceled his weekend visit that they had been planning for months, Yamaguchi would make up new ones, pulling out his phone to write them down so that he didn’t forget them, just so that he could see Tsukki’s ears perk up slightly. It wasn’t hard to think of new things that he loved about Tsukki, even as the list got so long that it lagged as he scrolled. 

There were so many things about Tsukki that he loved endlessly. He even mentioned and added how much he loved when Tsukishima teased him about the list. It was true, believe it or not. As much as Yamaguchi flushed and squirmed when he teased him about it, there was something about the smirk on Tsukki’s face as he recited some of the things on the list. He knew that the only reason that Tsukki could recite them so effortlessly was that he thought about them often. That was reason enough for Yamaguchi to love the teasing. 

The list became one of both of their favorite things in the entire world. Tsukki loved it because he couldn’t get enough of hearing his boyfriend notice the small things that he does or has done that he thought no one else noticed. Yamaguchi loved it because of how much it cheered Tsukki up. Sometimes it was the only thing that could get him through the day. 

What started as a confession of love had turned into such a source of comfort for Tsukishima. It went from Yamaguchi clutching onto the phone, thinking that he was going to die to Yamaguchi gently reading from the phone, hand on Tsukki’s back, rubbing small circles into it as he cried in his lap. 

He read it on good days too. When Tsukki was feeling extra chipper on certain days or extra in love with his boyfriend in the privacy of their own home, he would ask Yamaguchi to read off some of the ones that he hadn’t heard in a while. Sometimes, when they were pressed close together in an intimate moment, Yamaguchi would rest his hand on Tsukki’s face and tell him that these were the types of moments that he writes about. He doesn’t have to hope that they never run out of moments like that one, he knows they won’t. Yamaguchi knows that he’ll be adding to the list until the very ends of time itself because he’ll never stop finding new things about Tsukki to fall in love with. 

**Author's Note:**

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